Tom cancel tonight's show
I've shit me pants
Case 1 Unidentified early thirty's male.
Left for work as usually, described the feeling a bit like
giving birth but without the aid of three nurses, gas &
air, and all the paraphernalia that goes with a modern
conception. Thought he could make it to the works toilet
before the little brown bastard came out. Failed just yards
from factory entrance and shit his pants. Did what can only
be described as weird U-turn in works car park and
disappeared in front of fellow workers, arriving at the same
time. Half an later
returned to work and confessed to male friend that he was on
his way to work but shit himself in the car park.
That Ace lager made me shit me pants
Case 2
Unidentified early forty's male.
Driving home from watching a football match with mates,
middle aged fat bloke suddenly became overcome with the urge
to do unplanned log. Decided to call in at McDonalds and rid
himself of the turtles head smashing in, his back doors.
Again failed to reach the ablutions drop off point and shit
his pants while stuck in traffic. Managed to place magazine
under his arse to prevent catastrophic 'Brown china
syndrome' or arse melt down. Opened sun roof and windows on
the request of fellow passengers who were suffering from
kack pipe fall
out.
Case 3 Unidentified early thirty's male.
In the canteen at work bragging about the lovely lasagne his
wife had made. Half through his meal, suddenly realized he
had a mole at the counter. Shit himself and dashed from
canteen with the 'Women's Own' stuck to his Gary Glitter .
Never used canteen again.
Case 4 Unidentified mid forty's male.
At work with mates playing some sort of farting game but
followed through( technical term spleamer) - big time. Asked
Supervisor for permission to go home because he had had an
accident. The supervisor requested him to fill 'accident
book' in and he embarrassingly had to explain the nature of
accident.
Ernie if you grass to anyone about
me
shittin me pants, you're dead meat
