A Production
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This is what it's all about. It's fuckin poetry. Hey mate ! That's a psychedelic helmet?
The Cast:SMALL BIKE |
MEDIUM BIKE |
BIG BIKE
|
BELFAST
TAXI |
Bikes can be classified into
three categories Small,
medium and big.
Small |
These
bikes are for young people learning to ride and old coffin dodgers
who can't hack the speed buzz anymore. Two other groups that can
be seen on the highways, causing major traffic jams on their small
capacity machines are butch women(carpet munchers) and fucking
commuters. One exception to rule is 'Sexy XJ Roz' she being one of
few women on the planet able handle "that big Iron thing, that's
all power" and she only rode a small bike until she passed her
test. Then she went out and bought a beast, I think she might have
been Atalanta(One of the 50 Argonauts and the only female)
reincarnated.
Small bikes are usually very uncomfortable, noisy and
handle like a mobility scooter with a chain smoking, MacDonalds
bloater on board. Speed and fuel consumption figures quoted by
the manufactures of these machines are achieved with a seven
stone midget riding(post
morning shit)and the
bikes brakes disconnected. Either male or female midget test
riders are used but never the two as they immediately start
shagging when in the same vicinity. Hit a cross wind on a small
bike in heavy traffic and you'll most likely end up chewing the radiator of E.R.F articulated wagon or be
having your eyes balls removed from the front grill by a member
of the fire brigade. A mate of mine on his Kawasaki ZXR750H2
passed me while I was on my sisters Honda melody, he was doing
about 120mph plus and turbulence nearly caused the Honda melody
to take-off.
A bit of Die Hard2 dialogue
Horrible drug baron : Falcon calling Eagles Nest I am losing
altitude my controls are out ! I must land at the nearest
available runaway, over !
Horrible terrorist : Falcon this is Eagles Nest, we hear
you loud and clear and have you on the glide scope steady
at 800 ft. Your looking good buddy for an approach on runway one
niner, over.
Horrible drug baron : Thank you compadraye but if you
could show the runway lights as well, I would be mucho gracious
.
I'm not proud, If I need
transport to get to work I'll ride anything with only two
exceptions : a CZ or MZ motorcycle from the eighties. I once had a small bike......end of
conversation, change the subject it's just too embarrassing to
think about it.
Medium |
Here
we have the boy racer category who have too money and no road
sense. They think it's a track day every Sunday and usually
loose their license or return to 'Fucking car world' before they
reach 'Bruce's play your cards right' and we all know "what
fucking points make - prizes, No disqualification !". My
mate was up before 'The Beak' a few years ago and when he heard
how long his ban was he shouted out "How fucking long" and 'The
Beak' replied by adding another six months to his ban. Still an
eighteen month ban was nothing compared to what the same Beak
got a year later for kiddy fiddling. My mate use to say 'what
goes around comes around'.
You may see the scrap remains of their £7000 grand
motorcycle being pulled from a ditch by breakdown truck on any
country road at the weekend. The fifteen mile tail back of
traffic is not helped by the twenty five police cars and five
ambulances needed to rubber neck or rubber stamp the
accident.One of their favorite haunts was the Cat & Fiddle
just outside Macclesfield on the Buxton road. Every Sunday
hundreds of them meet, to see if they can write off their
expensive motorcycles chasing some accountant
fuckwit in a Porsche. 'The Old Bill' have now put a
stop to it by fitting average speed/distance cameras(must have
cost a fortune).
I'm
not into wearing full body armour racing suits and if I was, I
haven't had the figure for it since turning 40. Armour only
works when sliding down an empty race track on to a soft grassy
verge, it won't provide any protection from a pissed up house
wife driving the kids home from school in the two tonne Range
rover with bull bars or a bin wagon with fault hydraulics due to
council cut backs.
It's an
astonishing fact, I never knew it until I read the small print
but 70% of the poll/Council tax goes on educating the teenage
fuckwits of this England. Why do they fucking bother? They
don't need ten GSCE's to put labels on tins and stack shelves.
Big. |
That's
right mate ! when you can ride a bike, I mean really big bike
that's all power, that's when you're someone. Big bikes are
the dogs bollocks and are only ridden by people who still get
a kick out of motorcycling. Fuck the cost of petrol and Fuck
the greenhouse effect. Let the fucking planet burn to pieces
as long as I'm on a fucking big bike hitting 120 mph plus who
gives a shit about the next generation of arseholes. Take a
walk around any one of the thousands of slum council estates
in this fucking shit country and you'll totally agree with me,
their past redemption Satan marked them up with a pentagon as
soon as they fell from the fucking egg laying benefit claiming
slags hole.
This is
just my personal bad opinion, I have become very bitter and
twisted ever since that women (Witchhaven 666) from Ebay
gave me bad feedback and cursed me to a life of celibacy.
Fuck her I know when I go there's gonna be a fucking big
motorcycle, that fly's waiting for me in heaven or hell.
Her's some uninteresting facts about different sized
motorcycles
Medium |
GSXR600 |
MPG 55 |
TOP SPEED 155 |
INSURANCE GROUP 15 |
small |
YZF125 |
MPG 68 |
TOP SPEED 90 |
INSURANCE GROUP 11 |
Big |
RF900RS |
MPG 45 |
TOP SPEED 165 |
INSURANCE GROUP 16 |
medium |
CBR600RR |
MPG 58 |
TOP SPEED 155 |
INSURANCE GROUP 15 |
Big |
ZX900R |
MPG 50 |
TOP SPEED 170 |
INSURANCE GROUP 17 |
Small |
HONDA MELODY |
MPG 120 |
TOP SPEED 30 |
INSURANCE GROUP SHELIA'S
FUCKING WHEELS |
Medium |
R6 |
MPG 54 |
TOP SPEED 158 |
INSURANCE GROUP 15 |
small |
CBR125 |
MPG 65 |
TOP SPEED 85 |
INSURANCE GROUP 11 |
Big |
CBR1000RR |
MPG 48 |
TOP SPEED 175 |
INSURANCE GROUP 17 |
Not this fuckin time,Don.
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