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After being caught table-ending one of King Albert of Map's chickens at the kings crowning ceremony banquet. Sir Ghash of Wank is banished from Mapland until he can restore is pride and honor by returning to the king the 'sacred dogs egg' of Sparky common. The 'sacred dogs egg' was stolen when the marauding gook clan invaded Mapland. They had come from the northlands, as they had on so many previous harsh winters, in search of food ,women and treasures.

King Albert of Map

Here's what the king said mouse over below"

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Sir Ghash had only traveled a short distant on his quest before he was captured and held hostage by the Widi mong tribe. A ransom note is sent to Mapland asking for a sum of five pounds for the safe return of Sir Ghash. The king refuses to pay the ransom, complaining that the value is too high for such an idiot and Sir Ghash is left to rot in a Widi ale house. During the Widi festival of 'comatosed and wife bashing', Sir Ghash escapes with the aid of beautiful Corsa, daughter of Vauxhall. The twenty five year old banger with a wobbly rear end and blowing exhaust flange, falls in love with Sir Ghash who promises to marry her on his return to Mapland. They escape down the Fiord road and enter the 'City of Vultures' were corsa is jacked up on bricks, stripped and burnt as a witch by members of the skunk clan from speaka-lotashite. Sir Ghash calls on the 'Goddess of Green' to extinguish the flames but it's all too late by the time her low water pressure and fucked up pumps, spray poor Corsa down. Leaving the smouldering remains of his future wife to be, he turns and flees by sea to the lsle of Burkes and Wallas-head .This Island is a strange and dangerous place ruled by the 'Ginger bastards tribe'. They take a instant disliking to Sir Ghash as soon as he hits the shores of their land because he's not ginger and doesn't smoke pot.

what happened to Corsa

Sir Ghash heads south and after two days of traveling on foot, arrives Knackered and starving in Bacon on the outskirts of Fester. He staggers into a local inn to see if he can barter his fathers ring for a meal ,only to be filled-in and robbed by local vagabonds. His battered naked body is throw out onto the streets were a local Gay Lord helps him into his carriage. Sir Ghash is nursed back to life by the queer stranger but suffers greatly for the next two weeks from a swollen ring piece. When he his fit enough to travel he thanks Gay Lord and returns to his quest.

Map of Mapland

The journey home is now short, aboard the Manchester shit canal war barge to Mapland. He disembarks and proceeds by local ass to Sparky common and it's here where he stumbles upon the last of the gook warriors who stolen the 'sacred dogs egg' . Sir ghash calls the warrior to arms but the warrior refuses to fight saying " he only wishes to return the 'sacred dogs egg' " because it had brought nothing but bad luck to him and his clan. As the warrior moves forward to shake Sir Ghash's hand in friendship and honor. Sir Ghash chops the bastard's head off and returns to Mapland with the 'sacred dogs egg' , a glorious honorable hero destined to marry the princess Juno of Sparky - daughter of King Albert of Map.

The Princess Juno of Sparky