Blair in retirement

Tony Blair to run for Messiah

Since retiring as British Prime Minister, Tony Blair has been engaged on an exacting schedule and shows no signs of slowing down. Shortly after his retirement, Blair took on an unpaid role as Middle East special envoy, and over the New Year has been helping and advising his political comrade George Bush, who is currently trying to broker a peace deal between Israel and Palestine. Many people are optimistic that Blair is the man to solve sixty years of war, oppression, torture and exile.

Blair apparently has his retirement sights set even higher, however. Close friend Peter Mandelson told reporters today that he expects Tony to run for the post of Messiah in the near future. ‘It’s basically what Tony has always wanted, more than the Labour Party, or even Prime Minister’, Mandelson, who has worked with Blair closely throughout his political career, revealed. ‘Tony’s ambitions have always transcended temporal politics.’

If Tony Blair runs for Messiah, he is likely to face stiff competition from Al Gore who, since wrecking the 1997 Kyoto Climate Agreement and failing to win the US Presidency, has opted for the alternative role of global saint. While Blair arguably has limited himself with his goal of peace in the Middle East, Gore has a more bold aim, namely the salvation of the entire world as we know it. Gore plans to do this by raising lots of cash, appearing at Hay-on-Wye Book Festival, and making a boring film.

The Bourgeois caught up with Blair for a few minutes before he was due to jet off up his arse. Blair, in spite of his hectic lifestyle, still looks cheerful and relaxed, and insists he still finds time to spend with his young family and to unwind. ‘I even manage to find a few minutes to play my trusty Strat’ he told us, and setting actions to words began to play ‘Money for Nothing’ as a million birds fell from the sky and leaves withered on the trees.