‘I See Dead People’ says Gordon Brown

"greetings earthlings. we mean you no harm. we are lifeforms with intelligence beyond your comprehension, and soon order and harmony will be restored to your planet."

In a remarkably candid interview on yesterdays ‘Woman’s Hour’, Gordon Brown revealed to a surprised Jenni Murray that he regularly witnessed visions of a spiritual netherworld. Following the traumatic rugby accident that permanently affected his eyesight Brown admitted on the Radio 4 program that his lost sight had been replaced by supernatural powers of perception.

The Prime Minister’s first experience of this was during his student days when, out on his daily constitutional on a blasted heath outside Edinburgh, three unearthly women accosted him.’ When pressed by Murray on what these apparitions had said to him, Brown uttered a humourless chuckle and quoted them as telling him ‘Rector ye are, and Chancellor will be, and King thereafter.’

Gordon Brown also revealed he had had visions after his appointment as Prime Minister. During the night in Number 10 a bloodied Keir Hardie came to his bed several times crying ‘I thought you were supposed to be a socialist you useless bastard.’