Count Dooku's guide to Hoth

is that a big red lightsaber in your hand, or are you just a rubbish baddie hamming it up in a cgi nightmare?

Hoth is a very icy planet. This is ironic, as the word ‘Hoth’, looks a bit like ‘Hot’, which is the opposite of cold, which Hoth actually is, very cold. It appeared in one of the good films, in which I didn’t appear.

The planet Hoth is populated by the wampa ice creature according to the Star wars databank that I found on the internet. I’m not sure about this, but anyway, they mean the big yeti rip off, that Luke has to escape from. The SEX of these creatures is somewhat indeterminate, but I speculate that the larger of these beasts is female, jealously guarding her cave from rebel fools.

There is nothing very interesting on Hoth, apart from a small rebel outpost and some energy generators.