Coalition cabinet

The Bourgeois Guide to the Coalition Cabinet

The Bourgeois is excited to present your exclusive interactive guide to the first national coalition government in Britain since the Second World War. We highlight the key players in the new cabinet, including how they voted in previous parliamentary votes. Will these men and women usher in a new era of politics, or are they just a bunch of lurching fascists that David Cameron somehow managed to keep hidden in a cellar until after the election? Find out in our impartial guide!

J. C. T. Jennings: Prime Minister, First lord of the Treasury

Strongly For: Fossilised fishhooks
Moderately Against: frantic bishes
Strongly Against: The Beak,
especially when trying
to sneak a crafty
bifta after curfew

C. R. J. Darbyshire: Deputy Prime Minister, Lord President of the Council

Strongly For: Petrified paintpots
Moderately Against: Fearful bates
Strongly Against: Dicky-back rides

The Brain: Foreign Secretary, First Secretary of the State

Strongly For: Taking over
the world
Moderately For: Pondering
Moderately Against:Changes to
daily routine
Strongly Against: Pinky

One of the prefects from 'If...': Chancellor of the Exchequer,
Second Lord of the Treasury

Strongly For: Cuts to public
Cuts to public services
Moderately Against:Scum
Strongly Against: Machine guns
during assembly

The dog from the Churchill insurance ads: Lord Chancellor,
Secretary of State for Justice

Strongly For: Nodding head
Saying 'Ooorh YES'
Moderately For:Warning that a
hung parliament
will cause a
run on the pound
Strongly Against: Shaking head

Mumm-ra: Home Secretary, Minister for Women and Equality

Strongly For: Ancient spirits of evil
Oriental garb
Moderately Against: Thundercats
Strongly Against: Snarf

Dr. Strangelove: Secretary of State for Defence

Strongly For: Doomsday machine
Perpetual war
Moderately For: Prosthetic limbs
Leather gloves
Strongly Against: Communism

Sir Michael Hordern: Minister for Business, Innovation and Skills

Strongly For: Gruff voiced
actors playing
Gandalf and Badger
Moderately Against: Tom fools of Tooks
Strongly Against: Amphibians blowing
national deficit
on extravagant
motor car purchases

Eric Cartman: Secretary of state for communities and local government

Strongly For: Cheesy Poofs
Moderately Against: Jews
Mr. Kitty
Strongly Against: Kyle
Kyle's Mum