Climate Change

The DeVille Column

Manipulation of the earth's albedo is an important tool in fighting climate change, according to eugenicist.

A statement this week from the Environment Spokesperson of the British Nazional Party regarding 'critically important' new thinking about climate change, demands a response. Speaking from their Head Office in a set of disused garages behind the chip shop in Penge, Mr John Bull, who recently joined the party from the UK Impediment Party, after defecting from the Conservatories following the erection of 'closet commie' Mr Cameron, spoke of the 'scientific evidence' supporting the importance of the earth's albedo in reflecting a large proportion of sunlight back into space. "Our front bench science team have discovered that dark colours absorb most of the heat from the sun, increasing the impacts of global warming as these surfaces heat up", said Mr Shit. The logic behind this has merit, since the white colour of the polar ice sheets reflects the sun's rays back into space, thus maintaining comfortable atmospheric temperatures on earth, and the reverse must therefore be true. But it is the use of this knowledge that is objectionable. According to Mr Bullshit, we should take steps to ensure that light colours are used predominantly outside, so that sunlight is reflected upwards, and that a logical consequence of this is for black people to be kept indoors or "otherwise out of sight", he says.

This surely smacks of some clever scientific trickery to achieve the ends of the party in removing non-whites from Britain, but Mr Horse-shit maintains that any such side effects are "merely coincidental". If this theory is correct, it would seem to be more sensible, to me at least, to bring black people to northern Europe and move white people to equatorial regions, so that they would be exposed to the brighter sun there, and thus the reflection back into space would occur with increased efficiency. Of course, there is a flaw in the argument. After a fairly short exposure, the white areas of flesh would begin to turn brown, negating the effect, but this could easily be remedied by application of white sun-tan lotion to their exposed skin, which would quickly solve the problem. Alternatively, white sun-tan lotion could be applied directly to all surfaces around the equator, removing the need to move millions of people, which would itself add further to global warming owing to the emissions released, even on EasyJet.

We can confidently send Mr Turd back to the drawing board.

Kevin Jenkins
(Simon DeVille is on holiday)