Special science report

The Santa Delusion
by Professor Sir Richard (Dickie) Dork

One of the most pernicious threats to our children’s future development and psychological well-being is the fantasy of what I call the ‘Santa Delusion’. This scurrilous mindset, courtesy of our sordid ‘pop’ culture, seeks to undermine the worldview of an entire generation.

The origins of the delusion to which I refer are, for me, all too obviously to be found in the jeans. Yes, today’s youth appears to have rediscovered denim, despite valiant attempts by the fashion intelligentsia of the last couple of decades, denim appears to be back!

What, you may ask, is the relevance of jeans to the filthy corruption of our innocents? May I remind readers who fall victim to this type of thinking that they too should be wary of falling into the trap presented as ‘intelligent’, ‘logical’ or ‘reasoned’ by the movement’s advocates. These people are driven by a mad desire for world dominance, clinging as they do to a fantasy based on no more than what one experiences in day to day life.

Santa, in his many guises, but preferably in red with white trim, may be part of our culture, and steeped in tradition, but he is also quite real. I have seen him myself and sat on his knee, and I can honestly say that I have a personal relationship with him, though this is hardly the place for this much honesty. The delusion that has crept over this country, and the world, is the absurd belief that he does not exist, and that parents are the source of these presents that shower our young every year.

I call on the people of Britain to stand up and declare loudly, that we know this to be true, that so called ‘intelligent buying’ is a fallacy, and that we will use our last breaths if necessary to uphold the reality, the stupendous majesty, and the glory of the old man who travels around the world giving out presents to all children, of whatever race, creed or colour, as long as their parents are wealthy.

May Santa visit you this Christmas.

Dickie Dork