Security special

Man arrested for airport tweet

A man has been arrested under the Terrorism Act after authorities were alerted to a possible threat to Doncaster airport on his twitter account.

Ken Hayabusa, 27, posted the tweet when he opened his newspaper and was overcome by an overwhelming feeling of rage as he realised it was The Metro. Hayabusa tweeted on his personal account “fucking Metro! If I have to read another cockeyed right wing rumour some knobhead’s pulled off facebook and passing off on journalism, I’ll erupt a volcano and fuck Donny upppp!!!!!!’

Unfortunately for Hayabusa, later that day a large cloud of volcanic ash grounded all flights at Doncaster Robin Hood airport. An unamused citizen alerted authorities, and Ken was horrified to be woken in the early hours of Wednesday morning by armed police smashing down his front door and shooting his mother.

Following cooperation with Interpol, South Yorkshire police admit that the lack of evidence linking Hayabusa with the eruption of Eyjafjallajökull makes it likely that he will not be charged under the Terrorism Act. Instead Ken faces lesser charges under the 1988 Upsetting People by Making a Joke Act.

Ken remains in custody for his own safety, as a large crowd of angry feral people who couldn’t realise their inalienable right to go on an Easter break to Gran Canaria assembled outside his house with pitchforks and torches.