Paulo can generally be found sniffing around Whitehall pubs looking for clues or pilfering left behind MI5 laptops in a vain attempt to 'sock it to the man'. Policies usually arange from the standard Surrey epitaph of bring the system down from the inside then probably becoming corrupted but sadly without sufficient funds to pay for a peerage.

Should I ever be elected as a consort I propose a cleaning up of Britain by targetting certain attributes which have defaced it. Therefore full banishment orders under pain of death will be issued to the following people;

• James Blunt
• Kerry Katona
• David "I grew up in a council flat with a single parent mum me" Davies
• Daniel Powter
• James Morrison
• Little Man Tate (man I really do hate your band)
• Ferne Cotton
• Jenny Powell
• Chantelle Houghton
• Abi Titmouse

Oh and special extradition orders on crimes against humanity to David Blane - get out of Bellmarsh prison tied up in an orange jumpsuit you egotistical goit!

Special policies:

• plant the evidence on the terrorist
• UN pettition to build a security wall around Benjamin Netenhyahu's house - no reason just be a laugh....
• Bulldoze the BB house (day 53 and the workmen have taken out the diary room - "oh no how will I ever be able to show my vulnerable actress side on television now!")