Eton Rifles

by Paul Wella
Sup up your beer and collect your fags
There's a row going on down near Slough
Get out your mat and pray to the West
I'll get out mine and pray for myself

Thought you were smart when you took them on
But you didn't take a peep in their artillery room
All that rugby puts hairs on your chest
What chance have you got against a tie and a crest

Hello-hurray - what a nice day - for the Eton Rifles
Hello-hurray - I hope rain stops play - with the Eton Rifles


Thought you were clever when you lit the fuse
Tore down the house of commons in your brand new shoes
Composed a revolutionary symphony
Then went to bed with a charming young thing

Hello-hurray - cheers then mate - it's the Eton Rifles
Hello-hurray - an extremist scrape - with the Eton Rifles

What a catalyst you turned out to be
Loaded the guns then you run off home for your tea
Left me standing - like a guilty schoolboy

We came out of it naturally the worst
Beaten and bloody and I was sick down my shirt
We were no match for their untamed wit
Though some of the lads said they'll be back next week

Hello-hurrah - there's a price to pay - to the Eton Rifles
Hello-hurrah - I'd prefer the plague - to the Eton Rifles

Eating Trifles

by Fatman
Suppers gone queer and pack your bags
There's a cow going mad down near The Plough
Get out your wock and do your best
I'll get the beer and fucking disappear

Thought you smart when you cooked the beef
but you didn't take a look at the funeral reef
all that fat took years of life
what chance have got with two kids and a wife

Hello-our ray - what a nice day for Eating trifles Eating trifles.
Hello-our ray - I hope he can pay for our Eating trifles Eating trifles.

Thought you were nigella when you lit the pud
tore down the house of mongs with a great big thud
talked a load of revolutionary shit
then went to bed with a pissed old git

Hello-our ray - cheers then, mate. It's the Eating trifles.
Hello-our ray - an extra cream cake with the Eating trifles.

What's this cat piss? the wine turned out to be
ate the cream buns, then off to bed with a flea
Left me doing the dishes like a spupid mongboy

I came home sunday from this fucking curse
stinking and muddy,and how can things be worst
I was no match for the clever bitch
some daft bastard said can you come back next week

Hello-our ray - it's the price to pay to the eating trifles Eating trifles
Hello-our ray - I'd prefer the plague to the eating trifles Eating trifles .

Hello-our ray - it's the price to pay to the eating trifles Eating trifles.
Hello-our ray - I'd prefer the plague to the eating trifles Eating trifles.

Haslin riot force Haslin riot force