Chapter Fourteen
Of Elves and Wild Beasts

Once inside, they found it was rather a homely house, especially so on that day because of a visit from a local primary school, who were putting on a Christmas show which filled the hall and main lounge with singing, jingling tambourines and bells, and little elves. It was in fact late September, but the inhabitants of the house thought quite sensibly that there was little point in waiting a whole year for one of the most enjoyed highlights of it, when a close approximation of the real thing could be had every three months. There were many rooms in the house, large and small. Most were richly furnished with wooden furniture and a lot of paintings of rural scenes.

Old Dumbledalf was found in the drawing room, listening to two elves trying to sing in harmony an a capella version of the James Bond theme. Another particularly diminutive but precocious elf was dancing around in circles with a magnifying glass, singing the names of the various insects and other invertebrates she had caught in her ‘bug trap’.

“Stop!”, called a supervisor. Dumbledalf and the three elves fell silent and looked up. It was one Mrs Lewis.
“Mayhem!”, she said, “Where are you going with those horrible creepy-crawlies?”
“They’re nice”, complained Mayhem.
“What are you doing and where are you going?”, demanded Mrs Lewis, sternly.
“Just releasing them!”, came the reply.
“I’ve warned you before, you horrible child”, added Mrs Lewis as the elf skipped off, singing.
“Beastly child!”, said the Mrs Lewis.
“Wonderful child”, said Dumbledalf, “Though mini-beasty would appear to be apt given the context, don’t you think?” he added with a smile. Mrs Lewis tutted.
“This is not funny, Professor Dumbledalf”, she snapped, “This child is continually scratching around into disgusting and dirty things. It is despicable, and I’m going to stamp it out!”.
“Surely that’s a little harsh, don’t you think?”, replied Dumbledalf.
“No Professor!”, came the reply. “It is utterly disgraceful. You clearly know little if anything of discipline or about the education of children. Please mind that you keep your opinions to yourself when the issue at hand does not concern you. I intend to put a stop to this behaviour if it’s the last thing I do!”
“There’s no need to shout, Mrs Lewis”, replied Dumbledalf, turning back to his two elves and their song. As if in afterthought, with a flick of his ‘pencil’ he turned the woman into a pentatomoidid. He beamed at the children, who resumed their singing. A few minutes later, when the diminutive entomologist returned, she spotted the insect and squealed with delight.
“A shield bug!”, she said excitedly, and popped it in her bug-trap. She ran off excitedly to show her find to ‘Ffortescue’.

Hapless and Ro entered the room and saw Dumbledalf, who gestured them to wait until the elves has finished their song. It was pleasant to see the children singing to the old fellow. He seemed in good spirits and, once free to talk to them, was keen to get on with things. He wanted them to meet a friend of his who was a permanent resident there and a long-term member of the Brethren. After arranging some tea and cakes, they went along to a suite upstairs where there was a door with elaborate brassware on it, and a nameplate with the inscription BOB. Inside, to their complete astonishment, was a room full of the oddest looking people, apparently of every shape and size, such that describing them would require a great deal of imagination beyond the boredom threshold of the present scribe, but most unexpected of all, in the very middle, sitting in a white chair studded with what looked like diamonds, and trimmed with artificial fur, was Elvis, eating an apple.
“The last of the Discovery”, he said, mostly because he felt he ought to say something.
The jaws of Hapless, Mary Poppins and Ro dropped in unison.