Chapter Twenty Eight
The Campus of Shadow

Once within the campus, Hapless and Ro sought a notice board featuring a map. It wasn’t long before they found one showing the road layout and buildings, all numbered. A list of building names was shown at the side. Hapless looked down it for HogsBaraBrith Tower, where Vol-au-vent had his office.

“Here it is, listed”, he said, “Building 43, Can you see it Ro?”
They scoured the map. “There’s Building 44. It might be near it. Ah, there it is”, he pointed, “Over here”.
“But where are we?”, asked Hapless.
“We must be on the eastern edge of the map”, replied Ro. “If you hadn’t spent your time bird-nesting and playing truant when you were young, you would understand these things”.
“Well, get you!” spat Hapless.
“Well, here we are. Look, ‘You Are Here’ it says. There’s the spider gate”.
“You are here?”, wheezed Hapless, aghast. “How do they know? Are they watching us?”
“No, I don’t think so”, replied Ro in surprised bemusement, “How can they be? They can’t know it’s us here… er … Don’t worry, it’s probably some sort of new GIS, I expect. They’re damnably clever in universities you know. Let’s get on, it looks like we should go along this path, then left after that square building here”. He pointed, “That must be Building 10. Down that road, right at the garden area, past the sports centre, left again at the large paved area, then right by that round building, Building 68. After that, it’s the second, no, third turning off the wide street where the Jilly Cooper Library is situated, then left at the top, first right after the Old Post Office, and there it is, next to the sewage treatment works: HogsBaraBrith Tower. Simple!”
“What’s GIS?” asked Hapless.
“Global Ignorance Society”, replied Ro, with a note of sarcasm, though Hapless didn’t seem to notice.
“Oh”, he paused, “I didn’t bring a pen and paper”, “We’ll never remember that lot”, he spluttered.
“It’ll be fine”, said Ro.
“Look!”, Hapless gasped, and pointed, “there’s Murphy. That’s all we need”.
Ro sighed. “I didn’t think we’d lose him that easily”, sighed Ro, sighing again, “Let’s start off quickly. We may shake him off”, he sighed.

After an hour, they found another notice board and map.
“Look!”, coughed Hapless. “It’s the same map, but now we’re marked as up here! Spooky! Do you think they’re watching us now?”
“I don’t know”, replied Ro, doubt showing in his voice, “but I don’t like it, curse them. If they can see marauders like us, we’d better keep a watch out, and make full use of the little cover that is available”.
Uncannily, the next notice board and map they came upon showed them to be near the library.
“I hope Rowling and his henchmen do not have access to one of these maps”, sneezed Hapless, “or we could be in for trouble. Perhaps they won’t notice two people moving around, though Dumbledalf warned me that the long-unnoticed name of Potts might have become marginally less irrelevant”, he added.
The blood drained from Ro’s face. ‘Blimey! I’m glad the long-unnoticed name of Weasel is still meaningless’, he thought.

They moved on. As they turned right after the Post Office, a whiff of untreated sewage greeted them.
”I can smell shit again”, dribbled Hapless, smacking his lips, “but it’s not dog’s this time; more like human. I’d say it’s either the sewage works or Drake Murphy getting near”, he added, dribbling a bit more.
“No.” said Ro. “That’s the stench of Hog’s Farm Waste Water Treatment Works. I noticed it on the map. Those places often get overloaded and smelly in the autumn and winter”.
“Why in the winter, when there are few students and staff pooing, and the temperature is generally lower too, so that the rate of bacterial catabolism is less?” hiccoughed Hapless.
“Ah, that’s because the plant treats sewage from the estate, too”, replied Ro, “but in the winter the drains are full because of increased runoff water, flowing largely from road drains, but also generally, since everywhere the soil is saturated and evaporation rates are comparatively low….”
“Oh!”, whimpered Hapless meekly, as Ro continued.
“In summer, the ground is generally drier, and the warmer weather helps to increase evaporation, so that less water runs off the land into the drains …”
“OK, I get it”.
“…. so that the drains have their full capacity available for the sewage ….”
“Yes, yes, I see”.
“…. but in the winter, because of high humidity and low evaporation, once the land is already saturated, or nearly so, practically none of the rain, or sometimes snow, falling on it is absorbed into the soil”.
“I understand. There’s no need to explain further”.
“This means that a very high proportion of precipitated water, even approaching one hundred percent, runs off the land and into the drainage system, overloading it and mixing with the sewage water, which enters from buildings, and causes it to overflow at various places such as into rivers and onto roads via road drains. Sometimes it even bubbles up out of the toilet bowl in the downstairs of houses”.
“Oh my God! Are you finished?” blurted Hapless, with more than a hint of sarcasm. “What about the water that enters a water body directly?”, he demanded facetiously. “That does not, on the face of it, appear to enter the drains, does it?”

He immediately regretted asking that stupid and unnecessary question, but was spared the full answer because the imposing edifice of HogsBaraBrith Tower was now looming over them, obscuring what little light there was. In the middle of a wall, some twenty feet high and 300 feet long, was a mighty gate with huge wooden doors. They were carved with the likenesses of men and animals on the right hand side and with plants on the left. Above stood the black wall of HogsBaraBrith Tower itself. Row upon row of empty black windows, with just a few isolated lights showing. There was a small door in a corner of the main gate, and this was open. Stepping through, Hapless and Ro found themselves in a lawned courtyard. A path led directly from the gate where they now stood to an arched entrance gate opposite, inside which they could see nothing but darkness. On reaching it, they found another set of wooden doors. They were locked shut.