Chapter Thirty Two
The Taming of Murphy

They looked around the room but there was nothing obviously crutchy. A lot of books, some tongues in jars of formalin, a couple of framed photographs of Rowling with minor celebrities, a horse collar, a painting of a horse, some horse brasses, and an old elephant’s foot umbrella stand.

“Tasteful”, said Hapless. “He seems to like horses but not elephants”, he said grimly. “I wonder what this thing is?”. The others came over to see. In the elephant’s foot umbrella stand were some walking sticks, one of cane and some knobbly wooden types, two umbrellas, and a large, black, heavy object the end of which was in the shape of a horses hoof. At the top was a leather strap and a brace of some kind, presumably for attaching the ‘leg’.
“It looks like a crutch”, said Ro, plainly.
“A horse’s crutch!”, exclaimed Hapless and Ro together.
“This is the thing we’re looking for. It’s a horse crutch!”, said Hapless.
“Well I never!”, interjected Murphy, “Who’d have thought it, eh? Gordon Bennett!, a horse crutch, Strewth!, Cor blimey!, What a turn up!, Blow me down!, Who’d ‘ave Adam an’ Eve’d it?, Knock me down with a feather!, bugger me sideways!....”
“Will you shut up?”, demanded Hapless, “Let’s have a look at it”. It was heavy. Essentially it was a pole, shiny and black. The hoof end and lower leg were realistic enough, but the main strut was not particularly leg-shaped.
“Why would a horse need a crutch?”, asked Ro, innocently. “Can you imagine it? Did it have three legs, or was it an extra one, like Jake the Nag?”
“It could seriously affect it’s speed on the flat I dare say”, joined Hapless.
“Or on the steeplechase”, continued Murphy, grinning, “…and they’re coming up now over the last hurdle, and it’s Jake the Nag, leading from Dobbin, with less than a furlong to go….and ‘crack!’, what was that? Oh Jake the Nag has broken his leg, but he’s making do with just four … ”, he continued.
They all looked at Murphy, amazed, and he laughed.
‘I wonder if he’s not such a bad fellow after all’, thought Hapless to himself. “Careful, you’ll laugh yourself horse, Drake”, he said, warming to him.
“No time for humour now”, Drake replied, “There’s this problem we’re saddled with”.
“Not bad for on the hoof”, returned Hapless. “You’ve got the bit between your teeth now”.
“In the mane”, said Drake.
“Gee”, said Ro. The other two looked at him, but Ro was feeling uncomfortable. “Oh stop! I can’t think of any”.
“OK, don’t nag”, said Drake.
“Why the long face?”, asked Hapless. Then he turned. “We’d better get on with the job in hand”, he said. “We don’t want to be interrupted again.”
“Nay!”, added Drake as a parting shot.